Asylum Fitness

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When I was a youngster about the ripe old           age of 6-1/2...

My mother told me " I'm going to the store honey, I'll be right back, please be good..."

And like the good little boy that I was, I said," sure mom, no problem, I'll just watch Saturday morning cartoons till you get back." (yeah right)

Scott Tienken    
    Now we lived in New York City, and the store wasn't very far, so she was supposed to have been back in 10 minutes.

     Right after she left, me being the curious and hungry tyke that I was, decided that I     would look for         something to eat for breakfast.

Well.....    there wasn't any cereal, so I decided to have an egg.......

I knew that I wasn't supposed to touch the stove, but being 6 1/2,  I knew how to cook an egg because it looked easy and quick enough, I'd see my mother cook em' at least a zillion times.

Once, she even let me flip my own......Once.

So I broke out the frying pan, it was shiny; silver and cold to the touch, and pressed it against my hot face for a second then placed it on the stove, cranked up the fire and got ready.......

So there I was, I had everything ready: eggs, metal spatula, pot holder in case the pan got too hot, I was good to go...

Well I knew, as the pan heated up, that you had to be real careful when you crack the egg so that you don't break the yolk, because I liked my eggs over easy.

I started thinking...  Should I crack the egg on the counter or maybe on the edge of the frying pan?  I don't remember...

The heat from the frying pan was burning my eyes, I remember trying to pull the egg apart without breaking the yolk.....There!!!  I did it!  The egg dropped right into the center of the pan, just where I wanted it!...  As the egg went crazy sizzling...

I was dreaming, really dreaming of how my mama was going to be soOO proud of me because she didn't have to wait on me this morning; I was getting to be such a big boy......Pretty soon I could go to the park, all by myself...

Well I looked back at the frying pan - and noticed that the egg wasn't really bubbling anymore, it was more or less flat except for the yolk.

I knew it would be time to flip the egg soon because if I flipped it too early, the egg would be too runny.  I still to this day despise any yucky, uncooked runny egg whites!

So I let the egg stay on just a little bit longer.  While I was waiting...  I was wondering why the egg was smoking so much -it never did that when my mom made them...  So I tried to flip it.

The spatula just slid across the top of the egg and left a ruined crust stuck to the pan!  The thick black smoke from the part of the egg that I did manage to flip was starting to make me cry.......

Like the beatin I was gonna get for touching the stove in the first place, if mom found out.

My egg was totaled.......  I'm thinking......  I got a hide it!  I got a hide it!, As I heard the downstairs door close and familiar feet of my mom marching up the stairs.......

So I shoved the smoking frying pan into the empty oven and started to throw stuff back.

They say denial is the first sign...  I didn't light no fire and I don't know where the smoke in the house is coming from.

The crack of the wooden spoon on my behind reminded me of two things.......  That I won't be able to sit for the rest of the day and the stove is dangerous.

After my spanking, she asked me why I did it, I could have burned the house down!  I said I wanted to learn how to cook...  So she showed me how to cook my first egg.  She said that she had to admit I was close and I made a great attempt at flipping it;

I just needed a little lower heat and a little bit of butter, otherwise I was a natural.

I haven't burned an egg since!Daddy Loves You

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Well that is my story, my humble beginnings if you will - now a little about why you should buy my book.......

Weather you just want to learn how to make great & awesome breakfasts or learn how to make hot sauce, like red hot, (but 100x better tasting) and all yours, then you want this book!

How about salsa that everyone will love? That YOU will love - you want this book! You can't buy salsa any better anywhere else! And thats a truth.....
There is one more thing that you will learn in this book...... How you can take a cut of top round London Broil and make it the tastiest most tender cut of lean meat that you will ever have!

I promise you - this book will be the best ten bucks you have ever spent!

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